Fifa Rages of the Week.

Ultimate Fifa rage:

Rage level: 6

                                       

Rage level: obese.

Happy Raging!

#TeamBCB

Encounter with The Masturbation Moderator

Fifahub.com: where talk of players being fake is apparently not accepted. Having posted on the forum a rather light hearted topic about players using fakery like David Luiz, Santana etc. i was met with the backlash of a moderator clearly on his period. A dedicated man to the cause of all things fifa he was and so a lengthy argument on whether some players are fake and whether pace is important in fifa ensued, with me submitting posts in between an essay i'm writing, and him submitting essays on fifa in between his half hourly vintage porn wank sessions.

Anyway, things got to the stage where we had digressed to me calling his team shit and him taking a while to reply because he was bathing his mum, but then replying with some pish about custom tactics and percentages which to the regular person who's highlight of the day doesn't include getting a new top personal best in face spunking became quite boring, and so i decided to be the mature adult and replace all my posts with how much i love fifa forums and how fun they are. This made Mr.Moderator man look bad and him and his red willy got angry and so he decided to take time out of masturbating to compile a really pretty table of our teams goal stats, which i'm sure would have got him a big gold star at his Fifa fan camp. His stats are decent and well played to him but the sheer gayness of that table and the rest of his posts gets rid of all shame i had in this cretin scoring more goals than me.

Please read and enjoy the hatred of some people at their beloved game getting slandered:


(Just logged on this morning to see he's had me kicked off the forums...diddums...so he probably deleted the post too, just incase this link leads to nothing)


http://www.fifahub.com/index.php?/topic/6653-overpowered-defenders/



If you agree with him then Fifa doesn't hate you and you should leave.. but when Giovinco outjumps your Naldo in the 90th minute don't come running back.

Provided by a real doctor apparently 

Yours lollingly,


#TeamBCB

Everytimers!

Open goals.
We should all score them with ease. However, we don’t.
Chris Iwelumo’s miss for Scotland reminds me of some detrimental misses I have suffered in Fifa.
Fair enough EA, we’re not gonna score everything we hit, that would be unfair… call it Fifa scripting or whatever you want. But, the one thing that grinds my gears with missing open goals is CHIPPING THE BALL OVER THE DAMN GOALS. 
Observe the photo provided. Our kind friend in the yellow circle has hit a respectable shot that has given the keeper some trouble. Oh yes. He’s parried the shot… Our other friend in the red circle is set up for what we like to call an “every timer” (scoring a rebound after a parry – should happen everytime).
Now I’m thinking, “Surely… Surely… Yes. Yes. Yes. No… No! NO!!!”
Our red circled friend has somehow managed to lift the ball over the goals and hit in the direction of the black arrow provided in the picture.
Now I sit there thinking “wtf.” Why has the ball been hit over the bar? I’ll tell you why. Our friend in the red circle has attempted to CHIP THE BALL INTO OPEN GOALS.
Why? Why? WHY?
Because.
For some f*cking reason… my left index finger has managed to press down the LB button (xbox – L1 for you PS3 users). Why the hell my finger pressed that button I don’t know. There is no explanation for it. There’s no reason for that finger even being close to that button. I’m in on goal… I’m not gonna pass. So why LB? WHY?
Why does this only happen under “open goal” circumstances?
Some believe that one button bashes anxiously as they attempt to score that precious goal that they need… But whether this is solid fact, I do not know.
If we ever find out the reason this happens we’ll be the first to let you know. But, hear this fellow fifa lover/loather. You are not alone. The everytimer chip haunts us all.

Here was Iwelumo's miss that made every Scotland fan want to cry:

Not quite an 'lb'er' but still pretty fucking special.

Got any terrible misses you'd like to share?

Send me them at gillyhomebcb@gmail.com

#TeamBCB

#Fifahatesme

Fifa, go home, you're aff yer puss:

#TeamBCB

Fifahatesme Weekly Player Focus: AROUNA KONE!

We all know Fifa can be fake as fuck…

Fifa 13 takes it to new heights… if I got asked right now what was the best Fifa game of all time I would say Fifa 12. Yeah Fifa 2005 was amazing cause of the freekick cursor and the glorius players that topped the game at that time (e.g.Thierry Henry), and even the sound track was class.
But the graphics of the games dating before 2010 in this day and age are just unacceptable. Some level of fakeness and spown has to be acceptable. For one in Fifa 12 you could actually score a finesse goal. Dae geez having 99 curve and missing a simple RB & B shot (xbox).
So what can we do? Fight fakeness with fakeness…

Introducing FifaHatesMe Weekly Player Focus:

This week we’re gonna talk about Kone!!!!








Name: Arouna Kone
Nation: Ivory Coast
Club: Wigan Athletic
League: Barclays Premier League
Position: ST
Height: 6ft
Foot : Right
Weak Foot: 4 stars
Skills: 4 Stars

http://www.futhead.com/fifa/players/1475/ (here's his Futhead link if you wanna check out his stats in depth)

           Now, unlike futhead.com, I’m not gonna sit and tell you all his in games stats… no no my friend. I’m gonna tell you how fake this black mofo is (no racial) (disclosure - written by a black guy...well, almost).
Kone is a fucking bullet… the man is black, so naturally he’s an absolute gun and out paces so many people… FUT say that he has 87 pace overall… might as well make that 99 cause he ain’t getting caught on a normal fifa day (no fake morale (sluggishness when your team has VH morale) and no fake defenders – check the wall of fake to know who these are).
           He looks tiny… yet he’s 6ft. You know what that means… HEADERS. All day. Kone’s an all-round striker… much like Marco Reus… but he has more fight in him. He has a decent amount of strength about him which makes him an honorary BCB – Built Class Boss.
Kone has a hidden shooting trait of which his fellow countrymen (Drogba) used to provide in FUT. The man shoots rockets for fun… Long shots for days. He can also finesse as well… to the extent that Fifa allows this year because apparently finesse shots are near impossible from outside the box. Cheers EA.

This gem of a player only costs around 1k. C’mon… he’s a gift.


Here he is in action:

Any thoughts on Kone or who should be our next fake focus of the week? Feel free to comment below!




#TeamBCB

Fifa Packs

            Anyone playing Ultimate Team will be well aware that EA's torment doesn't end with the goings on during matches. No no. Although Fifa cost about forty quid to buy, i must have chucked in at least double that by now in packs. Each time i tell myself, oh, just a fiver, i won't stick in anymore for the rest of the month, but each time i'm met with the same crap and end up hammering in another fiver 2 minutes later. 
            Last week for example, after getting a disgustingly bad free pack on the monday, with not one rare, i decided i'd been a good boy and deserved to splash out on some packs. I decided to cane in an amount equivalent to a good few days worth of food into my beloved xbox, hoping that this time i'd be mean't with someone glorious: Thiago Silva? Ribery? even someone less profitable like Van P...but nah, Fifa decided that it would be way too nice of them to give out someone like that, so who instead did i get? Wagner Love. Yeah he's good in game, he's a bit of a fake bastard, he's got black man pace and a pretty sweet haircut to top it off...but he's also worth fuck all and i've had him about 10 times before this. I wanted to rip my ball hair out.
             Did this utter waste of money deter me from buying more? nah course not. Come thursday, in form Reus appeared with his 99 long shots and of course i thought i could get him. Did i nothing. And each and every week i'll go through the same ritual of quick selling the trail of terrible players that meet my eyes when they open in prayer whilst opening my packs. Oh EA you massive cunt.

Here's Ksi's pack opening from last year...genius video but his Falcao find makes me reek of envy.

Who's been your best pack find? Feel free to comment below!

#TeamBCB

It seems it all got a bit too much for one fifa fakery victim:

#fifahatesme





Get well soon.



#TeamBCB

Just got an email of this criminal fifa activity...i can only hope this one shot one goal pube received a suitably worded message for his ridiculous luck:

Straight to the top of the wall of balls. 

Submitted by: Fifa Victim: Orestis Pavlou

Our condolences go out to you Orestis.



Submit your b.s post-match stats to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com



#TeamBCB

I thought David Luiz was just overly strong and over paced...turns out that's not where his fakeness ends:

#TeamBCB

Naw.


Suffered this ridiculous loss in the final of the gold cup, then got a message saying it should have been 5-0...cunt level 10.




This managed to cheer me up though:

pubic lice.

#TeamBCB

A suitably titled video of more fake antics in our beloved fifa:

Fake on fake.

Submitted by: youtuber - 

ImAstroGaming

 

Click the name to check out his channel

Submit your spawnyness to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com

#TeamBCB

Here's a goal i scored against my little brother...needless to say he wanted to kill me afterwards.

Bullshit or justified because it's Robben?

Submit your pounding halfway fakery to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com

#TeamBCB

Headers

Headers

We either love them or hate them.

A bit like our relationship with Fifa 13.

However, i find that i loathe them more than anything...

Take the picture above for example. WTF is Barzagli doing for a start? He's a defender. For Juventus...biggest team in Italy at the moment and all i can see is a man puffing out. NO. Bullshit. 
I don't even have to check Futhead (great website btw) to see if Barzagli is bigger than Neymar, or better at heading or jumping or stronger for that matter. There is just no way he should be losing in the air...yet he's getting beat by that stump of man. Neymar's pretty good and probably not the best for this example, but if i put up a person like Adel Taarabt you'd be even more disgusted.
The point is that heading is bullshit. It's mainly filled with filth and luck. Example...i had Taarabt and Traore up top in my UT. Have you seen Traore? Dat there BBC (Big Black Cock). The man is 6 fucking 8. 6"8. That's fucking huge. Yet...Taarabt scored more headers for me than him? Standard EA logic.
What grinds my gears is that heading requires no skill. Nothing worse than playing a possession whore who guns it to the edge of the box to whip it back in for a jew header. So scummy...and what can you do?
Well to be honest not very much. But here's some very fake and cheap centre backs that may help against this fakery:

1. David Luiz (fakest bastard of the century)
2. Felipe Santana
3. Naldo
4. Kaboul
5. Diakite (tank)
6. Smalling
7. N'kolou
8. Ogbonna
9. Dede
10.Richards (Recommended to play as CB...Dat Pace, Dat BBC)



#TeamBCB

Browsing youtube for Fifa gayness, but instead found myself "looking at this guy's shit"

Some ultimate fakeness going on if you can look past his ingenious commentary:

"Look at this shit homie!"

Submit your shit to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com

#TeamBCB

And it continues...

Julio Caesar with learning difficulties.

Submitted by: Youtuber, SerialKIillerrr (click the name to check out his channel)

Submit your b.s to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com


#TeamBCB

Let the balls commence...

EA...behave yourself:

Submitted by: BCB Member, Tiger (Sturridge)

To make up for things, this was scored in his game after:

Aye? AYE.

Submit your beast/bullshit by emailing gillyhomebcb@gmail.com

#TeamBCB

Why does Fifa hate me?

Fifa can be a bit of a knob.

FIFA BULLSHIT
-
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FIFA%20bullshit
-

Have you lost a goal through pure luck or fake pace?

Have you suffered a loss and it wasn't your fault?

Well i have, and i need to release my frustration somewhere other than my                    chair/wall/leg..balls.

                I want to create a blog that seeks to answer the questions everyone asks when they're 2-1 up, desperately seeking those vital 3 points and in the 90th minute concede that header that deflects of that guy and hits that other guy and of the keeper then back of that other guys dick and through the legs of that guy sucking the post...then somehow into the net.

Am i really that unlucky?

                       

Are my team autistic?

Does David Luiz have 99 pace? 

  Is this guy really that much of a c*nt?

Or low and behold, is Fifa actually scripted?

The Answer?

God knows, but it's bloody annoying.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not a pube at Fifa that blames everything else for when things go tits up, but i do often feel, when going through a losing streak, that Fifa is genuinely trying to make you lose your shit... not literally be unable to find your poo, but to get pretty damn angry.

You only have to type 'fifa bullshit' into google to see the hate flowing

...

Pause. admire.

BCB. (built.class.boss)


It's okay to be erect.



...

Anyway,


This blog will be the dumping ground of all bullshit Fifa has to offer, feel free to email the following to be published for the world to see and feel your pain:

•  Post-match stats (here's one from the day i started the blog)

Load of baws

• Video clips of ultimate bullshit occurring (haven't got any saved yet, but here's a scrotum tickling goal from a while back) email epic goals too if you want.

http://www.futhead.com/fifa/players/6658/ (here's a link to Vargas, the guy who scored the goal...he's a beast, buy him, love him, nurture him and he'll be scoring goals for fun)

• Or, just general rants about how Fifa, despite it being the best game in the world, is the most dickish, pain in the ass, period, jew, game to ever exist.

Hit me up at gillyhomebcb@gmail.com, i'll try be decent and get your stuff up early...it is vital everyone knows the hurt Fifa is causing as soon as possible.

Enjoy

&

Peace.

#TeamBCB