Fifahatesme: Our Ultimate Team Timeline.

      A man's relationship with his ultimate team is a bit like the one with his boxers: once you've worn them fresh, enjoyed them, settled with them, changed things up by turning them inside out or the wrong way round, the time comes (after a few uncleanly days) when it is time for a change. 

The Fifahatesme team timeline:

Early doors (September 2012) - anyone fast and cheap, serie A (Muriel, Armero, Biabiany, Ogbonna...pacecunts basically)

Making money (October - November 2012) - expanding the Serie A team to bring in Cavani, Di Natale etc.) http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#gcWNt1lCnKe:360 

Pros:

- Cavani is the strongest man alive

- Di Natale has the ball glued to his foot

- Chiellini, Palacio and Abate are fake.

- Pirlo

Cons:

- Di Natale too small

- Robinho not fake enough

- Cavani no skills

- Pirlo too slow

- Buffon's a retard

- Nagatomo's a Man Utd fan.

I hate Serie A (December 2012) - Time to go BPL http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#kZybpnzPwQe:360

Pros:

- Kompany, Toure and Maicon are BBB (big black beasts)

- Clichy is fake rapid

- Ben Arfa is also fake rapid

- Tevez has a rocket

Cons:

- Rooney is shite

- Hazard doesn't live up to expectations

- No fakeness at the back...be better off with Kaboul and Luiz

- Cech wears a scrum cap

10 days later...i hate BPL - BBVA! http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#LhmqRmNwy2c:360

Cons: 

- Iniesta's slow

- Xavi's slow

- Pique's slow

- Try to play a nice well worked build up possession play with the delights from Barca...get gunned by twats with rapid teams.

A few combinations were tried in between including a Brazil/Bundesliga hybrid, which admittedly lasted quite a while because i fell in love with Robben: http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#jw6bFG08RwH:360 

I'll miss you Robben, but i need informs (February 2013): http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#gp8QVM4nR9U:360

Pros:

- Walcott is the fastest man alive

- Torres is actually good in virtual life

- Koscielny's a beast

- Konko's a beast

- RAMOS

Cons:

- Walcott is built like a child

- Michu shoots like he has autism

- Casillas can't catch

INFORM CHIELLINI COMES OUT: http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#keCJ3SRrS59:360

....he isn't worth the money.

And now, i return to my roots with Serie A, armed with some extra cash and a knowledge that Arturo Vidal is the fakest man ever to grace the CDM position: http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#fl8TKh1hUbD:360

They will be played with today...and next week they will no doubt be up for sale making me some losses.

Got a beast of a team? Email it to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com for it to be boasted in next week's FUT feature.

#TeamBCB