Fifahatesme: Our Ultimate Team Timeline.

      A man's relationship with his ultimate team is a bit like the one with his boxers: once you've worn them fresh, enjoyed them, settled with them, changed things up by turning them inside out or the wrong way round, the time comes (after a few uncleanly days) when it is time for a change. 

The Fifahatesme team timeline:

Early doors (September 2012) - anyone fast and cheap, serie A (Muriel, Armero, Biabiany, Ogbonna...pacecunts basically)

Making money (October - November 2012) - expanding the Serie A team to bring in Cavani, Di Natale etc.) http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#gcWNt1lCnKe:360 

Pros:

- Cavani is the strongest man alive

- Di Natale has the ball glued to his foot

- Chiellini, Palacio and Abate are fake.

- Pirlo

Cons:

- Di Natale too small

- Robinho not fake enough

- Cavani no skills

- Pirlo too slow

- Buffon's a retard

- Nagatomo's a Man Utd fan.

I hate Serie A (December 2012) - Time to go BPL http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#kZybpnzPwQe:360

Pros:

- Kompany, Toure and Maicon are BBB (big black beasts)

- Clichy is fake rapid

- Ben Arfa is also fake rapid

- Tevez has a rocket

Cons:

- Rooney is shite

- Hazard doesn't live up to expectations

- No fakeness at the back...be better off with Kaboul and Luiz

- Cech wears a scrum cap

10 days later...i hate BPL - BBVA! http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#LhmqRmNwy2c:360

Cons: 

- Iniesta's slow

- Xavi's slow

- Pique's slow

- Try to play a nice well worked build up possession play with the delights from Barca...get gunned by twats with rapid teams.

A few combinations were tried in between including a Brazil/Bundesliga hybrid, which admittedly lasted quite a while because i fell in love with Robben: http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#jw6bFG08RwH:360 

I'll miss you Robben, but i need informs (February 2013): http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#gp8QVM4nR9U:360

Pros:

- Walcott is the fastest man alive

- Torres is actually good in virtual life

- Koscielny's a beast

- Konko's a beast

- RAMOS

Cons:

- Walcott is built like a child

- Michu shoots like he has autism

- Casillas can't catch

INFORM CHIELLINI COMES OUT: http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#keCJ3SRrS59:360

....he isn't worth the money.

And now, i return to my roots with Serie A, armed with some extra cash and a knowledge that Arturo Vidal is the fakest man ever to grace the CDM position: http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#fl8TKh1hUbD:360

They will be played with today...and next week they will no doubt be up for sale making me some losses.

Got a beast of a team? Email it to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com for it to be boasted in next week's FUT feature.

#TeamBCB

Aye Ok Fifa Mate.

Horrendous defeat suffered by BCB member Tiger (Stinky Steve), one of the fakest, most unwelcome stats 

Fifa has delivered. 

This went down during one of those days where Fifa decides it will hate you all day, no matter how hard you try, how shit the other guy is, how many fake bastards like Luiz you chuck in your team or how many times you fire the ball at the goals...nothing goes in and you just can't win. 

Every game becomes a losing battle against spown and your own temper.

During such days we recommend having at least one of the following handy:

- smash pad

- shoe

- vaseline

- empty bottles

- your legs

- or a flatmate that you bully

'Fifa is a cunt day'

Let it be short and as painless as possible.

#TeamBCB

Geez a click!

New Activity of the week to try.

Farting in a cup and giving it to your neighbour.

A shite bastert at Fifa.




#TeamBCB

Fifa Memes of the Week.

Got a Fifa meme? Post it below or send it to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com

#TeamBCB

Give it a click:

Twitter Rage Picks #Fifahatesme

Our recent #Fifahatesme picks from Twitter:

1. 
   

   Mar 4Craig Stark ‏@MMA_Craig

   @FifaHatesMe @adam_wba #fuckufifa #fifahatesme look it's happening again!! Aaargghhh screw u @EA

   
   

   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   1. 
      

      Mar 4Experience Muir ‏@adonismuir

      “@LukeHines: Just went ape shit at fifa and broke my ps3 controller”@FifaHatesMe

      Expand

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   and of course the retweet from the bronze beast himself:

   
   

   1. Gary McSheffrey ‏@sheebagee

      😂😂😂😂funny link that!!

      Expand
   2. 58 minsFifaHatesMe ‏@FifaHatesMe

      Fifahatesme returns! Check out http://fifahatesme.blogspot.co.uk/  for our focus on Gary McSheffrey @sheebagee! @KSIOlajidebt,@EASPORTSFIFA

       Retweeted by Gary McSheffrey

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   #TeamBCB

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   Keep fifahatesme going, give this video a click...

   
   

Fifa Hates Me: Weekly Player Focus: GARY MCSHEFFREY!

Welcome Back!


    Fifa hates me returns after a shite fortnight of assignment writing with its Fifa fake player focus of the week. Last time we looked at the black beast that is Arouna Kone. This week we're switching flavours and going vanilla with Coventry's answer to Wayne Rooney: GARY MCSHEFFREY! (minus the fat, re-baldness and desire for old fanny).

oosh

Name: Gary Mcsheffrey
Nation: England
Club: Coventry City
League: Npower League 1
Position: CAM
Height: 5ft 8
Weak foot: 3 stars
Skill moves: 3 stars

Futhead link: http://www.futhead.com/fifa/players/1816/

     
             Gary Mcsheffrey is the one and only player to have survived my FUT from my very first team back in September. This bronze sexual beast (no homo) will be the pinnacle of any bronze team, fuck the chemistry, this man has a left foot that defy's any logic EA has to offer. With the 'long shot taker' trait, long shot rating of 69 (for a bronze) and shot power of 75 you'll find yourself slotting in 40 yarders left, right and centre! Upon scoring such a beast please remember to pause and message your opponent a simple 'boom' to celebrate Gary's Glorious Goal (alliteration king).
           
Here's a few Mcsheffrey specials courtesy of some dude with a squeaky voice...so feel free to mute if you want to enjoy:

            Now, it's not just G bomb's/G-dizzle/G slice's long shots that make you want to spuff. In looking at his stats, there's one green that stands out...balance. At a bronze level where balance gets heavily overlooked, and you find yourself with 6ft 5 tanks getting brought to their knees by little pubelets, a balance rating of 84 on a short lad like Gary means you'll be weaving your way in and out of tackles all day virtually untouched! Set yourself up nicely on the halfway line with him, slip round a few chaps and plum one in from as far out as you dare.

               Here he is in my bronzebc's...average team but you don't need to buy big when you can play big with Gary:

http://www.ea.com/uk/football/fifa-ultimate-team/show-off#bufszgmZTzg:360


             So please, make the best Fifa decision you've made all year, take Mr Mcsheffrey under your wing and start your shooting spree.


If you score any beasts...which you will, upload them and send them to gillyhomebcb@gmail.com.


#TeamBCB



Stay tuned for our next Fifa fake player focus!


Keep the page going and click play on this video...cheers!

Fifa Rages of the Week.

Ultimate Fifa rage:

Rage level: 6

                                       

Rage level: obese.

Happy Raging!

#TeamBCB